Hi 2017.

2016 ended with a heavy heart, I remember I actually cried myself to sleep. One second I felt blessed watching my baby boy sound asleep next to me, the next second I got all upset because I can’t give my child a completed family. He is one now, he doesn’t understand most things so it’s ok and really happy for him to stick with me each day. Every night he lies next to me and falls asleep in my embrace, and the next morning he would smile at me when he woke up seeing me lying next to him. It’s ok now. But what if one day he came home from school and got all upset asking me why daddy and mommy can’t stay together like his friend’s parents do.  How am I gonna cheer him up and tell him it’s ok that daddy and mommy are separated. Is it really ok? I don’t know how is my kid gonna take it one day and how much hurt would this bring to him, I just hope he would forgive me.

I had a bad sleep that night, because it bothered me and I felt like I hadn’t slept all night. So I didn’t have a good start of 2017 neither.

There is too much fear in me. The fact of me living a single mom’s life is depressing, depressed mostly because I am too worried my child will grow up unhappy because he has no daddy by him side. I am too scared to watch him grow up because he will start to learn and know things and he’s gonna ask what happened to his mom and dad. I am too scared to bring him out to friends’ gathering because everyone has his and her family and their kids have both daddy and mommy coming along, while my son can only watch them playing  and giggling away with their daddies and he has no daddy by his side.

I am jobless so I am financially unstable. I wish to get a job ASAP but it’s just too hard. A friend whom I thought was friend and would help doesn’t seem like he is happy to help. So yeah, the so called friend is always just full of talking, when I really need help, the friend is no where to be found. But I could blame no one, cos nobody has the responsibility to help and get me a job. So I have to try harder, keep sending resume and keep practicing all the interview questions when I have time, basically I am on seek.com 24/7 and send as many resumes as I could each day. I appreciate my sister and her friends who constantly help to ask around and introduce me to their friends. So far there isn’t any who is interested to employ me but at least I see the heart of helping. Thanks and million thanks.

2017, I don’t know if it’s gonna be a good year, but a friend told me, it will be if I want it to be. So I believe, 2017, I am gonna make a huge change in my life, and there’s gonna be a huge leap in my career and everything!! Have faith in myself, fighting!!