Happy Mother’s Day to me. 

I love my son, more anything. If I could turn back time, I wish I hadn’t married his dad, but if I ever got married with my ideal man, I want my son to be our son. Same face, same smile, same laughter, the same one. I know I sound ridiculous, but I still can’t accept the fact that I married such a man who made me regret big time.

There’s a hundred thoughts gushing in my head today. There’s a hundred if I didn’t this and if I didn’t that flashing through my mind.. If I didn’t come back for him, maybe I’m living a way better life with my dream man. He’s never my ideal man, never. That moment when we were gonna breakup years ago, I chose to stay. I don’t know. I was too timid to do anything, too timid to have a change in my life. Too timid to tell my parents no, he’s not man after a 7 years relationship. Too timid to yell his parents sorry I can’t marry your son I can’t give up everything that I have built up in Aus I have to be selfish. Too timid to be single again because I’m scared I will be forever alone. This is human, I had always wanted a breakup because I though we didn’t click anymore. But when it was time to say goodbye, I thought he was my everything. Losing him was like the end of the world, because I have to start everything all over again and I was too timid to do it all by myself.

If I had a chance, if there was a time machine, I would choose to leave this guy and live a much happier single life. 

I hate this life. I hate everything here, my son is the only reason why I smile, I swear I will give him the best, I swear I am gonna bring him back to Aus and live a life which we called LIFE. 

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